Review: RED LIGHTS

Red Lights provides us with an interesting thriller about the debunking of paranormal activities by a team of university physicists. And then the debunking of physics, and rational thinking, by that irksome thought in the back of everyone’s head that maybe, there just might be something unexplainable out there. All good horror movies depend on the exploitation of this feeling. Red Lights is the first movie, I’ve seen, that explores it through its characters. For the most part it is effective; the movie will keep you on its grip until everything falls apart in the last few scenes.

Review: PROMETHEUS

If a Facehugger from the Alien franchise ever face-raped 2001: A Space Odyssey, the resulting Xenomorph bastard would not be unlike Prometheus, Ridley Scott’s long awaited return to the genre many claim he revolutionized. Prometheus is an ambitious science-fiction film with the lofty goal of presenting questions about the origins of life. Like all great science-fiction literature, it is a blend of thoughtful speculation, great story, awe-inspiring effects, and wonder. And because the Alien franchise is its predecessor the package also includes chilling rape allegories, a nauseating birth scene, and a good amount fetal imagery. All in the name of brilliant filmmaking. 

Review: THE TROLL HUNTER

           The Troll Hunter (aka Trolljegeren) is, for lack of a better expression, one interesting monster. On one hand it is just another B-level mockumentary ala Blair Witch Project, or Cloverfield that is allegedly edited from found footage rolled by a group of teenagers tracking a troll hunter. But it is also a damn good monster movie, and a decent drama about survival in the Norwegian backwoods. This can be mostly attributed to the fact that, unlike most horror-muckumentaires, The Troll Hunter has a decent in-story cameraman. So, even though the genre still requires tremendous amounts of queasy-cam, we actually get to see quite a good amount of troll shots. I for one greatly appreciated this.

Review: THE SKIN I LIVE IN

Let me put it this way; even if you have seen all the films by Pedro Almodovar you will not see this one coming. Like most of Almodovar’s films, The Skin I Live invokes what is perhaps the boldest form storytelling as he slowly unfolds a plot that can only be described as devious and dark perversion of the soul. And I mean that as a compliment. Almodovar likes to play with his audience; he pushes the limits of the viewer until he experiences revolting pleasure.

And we are afraid of feeling this… mostly, because we like it but do not know how to deal with it.

Review: TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL

Sometimes all the necessary things for a great movie to come into existence line up; it is the holy alliance or a fresh idea, a great script, and good acting comming together. If you have this it is quite unlikely for any filmmaker to screw it up. Eli Craig was blessed with this trifecta on his directorial debut, Tucker & Dale vs Evil, a warm parody of the teenage slasher classics (if we can call them classics). The film is what the Scream and Scary Movie franchises could have been had they not lacked, a fresh idea, a good script to tie down that idea, and good acting to make that idea come to life. And yet while those movies make millions Tucker & Dale vs Evil has sat on a shelf for two years, mostly because studios increasingly refuse to believe newcomers can be bankable filmmakers.

Review: APOLLO 18

No, the moon may not be made of cheese, but let me assure you that the latest film about it is.

To the eternal delight of conspiracy theorists, Apollo 18 is sold to us as a found-footage project recovered from a secret mission to the moon, which would have been easier to swallow if it wasn’t so comically serious in its presentation. As it is, I found myself chuckling 10 seconds in and I was not alone.

Review: DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK

What is it about basements, old manors, and dark corridors that cause the dark side of our imaginations to soar? It would seem that most horrors seem to inhabit these places; common sense would tell you not to go in there, not to go were the light is scarce because there might be something creeping in the shadows. Something you can’t quite explain, and that most people won’t believe is there.

As a rule of thumb, you should not move to an old manor who’s previous resident disappeared after allegedly going insane. But alas, 10-year-old Sally (Bailee Madison) and her father (Guy Pierce) move into such a place. Bad idea.

Review: FRIGHT NIGHT

Fright Night is a classic horror B-movie done well that restores some much-deprived dignity to the vampire mythos. It might flight under the radar for most but any true horror fan will certainly appreciated.

Set in the outskirts of Vegas in a suburban development, which common sense would tell you shouldn’t live there. It is several square blocks of homes and streets entirely surrounded by desert. Cell phone signal is shoddy at best, and most of its residents work at night. Vegas and its suburbs are as unnatural as the vampires who live there. And because of this it is an ideal location.

Review: PRIEST

This a movie set in a steampunk/western/medieval post apocalyptic world; its main character is a vampire hunting, motorcycle riding, cowboy-ninja-priest played by Paul Bettany. And somehow… somehow it managed to be uncool. Somehow it managed to make such a setting feel dull, empty, and unworthy of all those adjectives. Somehow it managed to make its main character even more uninteresting than the setting he inhabits. And most surprising of all, Priest manages to be a movie without any stylistic sense, even when clearly this material would only work under heavy stylization and a very literal interpretation of “the rule of cool”

Review: SEASON OF THE WITCH

There is something about Nicholas Cage that keeps me going to see his movies regardless of how bad they are. This one was particularly bad; generally it wouldn’t be a problem in a Nick Cage movie but somehow not even his absurd levels of comic intensity could save this train wreck. I blame the scrip and the execution but surprisingly not the acting. When Nick Cage is bad he can be bad enough to make it good; here his performance is good enough that it looks serious.  Not a good sign when you expecting a great bad movie.

 

Review: SPLICE

Splice treads a very fine line between a serious science fiction film and a B-movie monster thriller. It could have worked as one of the other but both styles do not mix as smoothly as one would like.

Review: DRAG ME TO HELL

There are times in which we can all enjoy a good bad movie. There are even some great bad movies that we can all enjoy; The Mummy Trilogy is probably the best example of the latter. But there is a fine line between a good bad movie and a bad movie that you simply happened to enjoy one day. I think that the difference lies in the filmmakers’ love for film or over their love for money but I might be a bit optimistic for saying so. Nevertheless a key difference is that good bad movie knows exactly what it is and what it wants to achieve regardless on whether it was made for money or love.

Review: MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D

Horror films have been in a bit of a rut lately, with most movies being a remake of sorts (Asian or of the '80s slasher variety) or low-budget torture porn movies often followed with a number of sorts in yearly installments. While the movies are still popular in their niche the films are often critically panned and ignored by the general public. With a tag line of "Nothing says 'date movie' like a 3D ride to hell" you'd either ironically want to see it or label it as another stupid horror remake and ignore it completely. I'm pleased to say both reactions would be perfectly acceptable and depending on which one you've chosen you'd know whether or not its worth seeing this movie.



Seeing My Bloody Valentine 3D was a surreal experience. It's the kind of movie that you'd completely forget about upon leaving the theater but have fond memories of it anyway. The plot follows around a sheriff in a small mining town ten years after a miner brutally massacred a bunch of teenagers with a pick-axe. After the murderer was shot dead and buried by the cops, the small mining town became a tourist attraction of sorts from the popularity of the horror story. Now the killer has mysteriously returned while in the meantime the hot shot sheriff is suspicious that his wife has been cheating on him. Don't expect any more set-up than that during the film's short sans credits 90 minute run time.

If your expecting a thriller with elaborately crafted scares, you might as well stop reading this review now half the theater was laughing at any given time during the movie. My Bloody Valentine 3D NEVER takes itself seriously and as a result almost turns into a weird parody of the current horror remake scene, playing off of every single 3D gimmick in the process. The original 1981 My Bloody Valentine was not a horror classic by any means and if taken seriously this could have just been another forgettable remake much like last spring's Prom Night.

Without spoiling anything, the events revolve around the death of a woman who's only function in the film was to be naked for five or so minutes. The scene is ridiculous and we keep on getting glimpses of the sheriff re-watching the suggestive witness tape throughout. A lot of the characters would shout at sporadic moments and scenes that would supposed to be dramatic would drag on way longer than they should for comedic effect. At one time the sheriff stood by the grave and argued whether or not the killer was actually dead for upwards of 10 minutes, usually repeating the same "are you SURE he was dead?" line again and again.

If you've enjoyed Snakes on a Plane and are tired of catching up on the underwhelming Academy Award nominees grab ahold of some sarcastic friends and a $2 REAL-D surcharge and you'd be up for a fantastic time. Just don't expect to think much.

Review: QUARANTINE

For me, to review this movie is to handle a double-edged sword. I am supposed to tell you what I think is substantial filmmaking. However, I am a fan of almost every single "zombie" movie I have ever seen, so it is hard for me not to wildly endorse this.

So, I am not going to review this movie on traditional film standards. Rather, I am going to review it as a zombie movie. There are things zombie films should achieve, and things they should cover. I will try to grade Quarantine by these guidelines.

The whole movie is shot like Cloverfield. And for this, the director, John Erick Dowdle, had a lot on his plate. For a movie like this, you need to have as little cuts as possible to make it more realistic. This means higher level production design, and better performances from the actors. He pulled it off with flying colors. While the main actress, Jennifer Carpenter, was not the greatest, she at least pulled through the movie without making me hate her.

Quarantine achieves several things Cloverfield did not. For one, it was more realistic. This time, we were not saddled with the burden of watching through a camera that is indestructible and powered by batteries that don't die. This camera has its batteries changed several times throughout, and special care was taken with it. Secondly, the physics of the entire place were handled better than Cloverfield. Gravity applies to these people, and if you fall off of something, guess what? You pay the physical toll.

These days, zombie films seem to ignore one crucial question: how did the infection start? This one doesn't. In fact, it presents you with little clues as to how it started from beginning to end. By the end of the movie, if you have put the pieces together, all you can do is exclaim, "COOL!". I know I did.

The film also explores something I have never actually seen, unless I just can't remember. It shows what zombies do when they are not eating people's brains and gaining their knowledge. There is about two minutes of footage of a zombie on its own - and it's really interesting.

Also: this movie is scary as hell. It's among the most terrifying horror movies I've seen. For me personally, this is great. I think horror movies should give you the jibblies. This definitely gives the movie +1 HP.

In the end, I liked it. It's realistic, it's scary, and it's about zombies. For me, these are three great things. If you want to be scared stiff, or you like zombies, or you just want your date to grab your arm in fright, go see Quarantine.

However, there is one thing I must note. And if you are not an avid zombie fan like I am, reading this will do nothing for you. I do believe they used the word "zombie" in it. Good zombie films try to avoid this at all costs; it takes the realism away. Shaun of the Dead spoofs this beautifully. I am not sure that is what the girl said, but if it is, it saddens me deeply.

Oh well. Had to happen sooner or later.