Review: DARK SHADOWS

The Tim Burton / Johnny Depp collaboration has, by now, become a genre of its own. Originally it was a fresh new take at the gothic horror story as a comedy of manners. But what was once fresh has now become so conventional that Burton-esque is indeed an adjective. Usually filmmakers strive for their name to become an adjective  but when you can apply it to their own work, it means their work is becoming repetitive and uninspired. Dark Shadows is very Burton-esque; it is exactly what you expect from a Burton/Depp summer blockbuster- nothing less than, but sadly, not much more either.

Review: THE RUM DIARY

Paul Kemp (Johnny Depp) describes his drinking as being on “the upper end of social”, but in full honestly he could rival Captain Jack Sparrow for the rum drinking gold medal. But, despite this film’s misguiding marketing campaign, this is not Pirates of the Caribbean 1960s edition. It still involves, rum, mermaids, partying, and sailing in the Caribbean. But this is also the story of a man with no morals who saw much of the world through the bottom of an empty bottle of rum, and realized there was something very wrong with it. Afterwards, he learned a hangover is not the best state of mind in which to solve them. Will he sober up? Perhaps. But rum is too good to give up.

Review: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES

            One of the biggest mistakes most people, writers and audiences alike, have made with the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy was understanding who the protagonist was. I am still unsure if the second and third installments even had a protagonist; it certainly wasn’t Will Turner, the actually protagonist of the first film. The source of this confusion lies in Johnny Depp’s performance of Captain Jack Sparrow, a character so quirky bizarre and likable, that it simply outshines everyone else. But while Jack has been the poster child for the franchise, he was never the protagonist. On Stranger Tides outdoes this problem by removing the excessive amount of side characters, side pirates, pirate ships, pirate lords, pirate crew, and pirate monkeys, and centering the story on the latest of Jack’s shenanigans. All in all a more fitting title for this movie would have been: The Next Installment of The Captain Jack Sparrow Adventures; it highlights the story’s pulpy silliness much more than On Stranger Tides and since the movie doesn’t really take place in the Caribbean there is little point in keeping it on the title.

New Poster for On Stranger Tides Surfaces.

The new poster for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, has been revealed. It pretty much reveals that Jack Sparrow is the protagonist here. Honestly, I am not sure how I feel about this. Despite being the franchise's iconic character Jack was never really meant to be the protagonist. He certainly wasn't in the first one, although he took a more central role in the sequels where pointing out a protagonist is really freaking hard. Technically it should be Will, but he was kinda shoved aside in order to make room for more swashbuckling. Which, if anything, having Jack as the protagonist will guarantee tons of. I'm always down for more swashbuckling.
Anyway here is the poster:

Click to see it big. 

Review: RANGO

           In today’s Hollywood there is a tendency for movies to try and find the widest audience possible. This is a reasonable; the wider your target audience the more likely you will be at finding one and thus making bank. The problem is that the easiest way for movies to achieve this is to dumb them down. In this environment, Rango is some kind of silent revolution. It achieves this not by dumbing itself down but by being clever on how it goes about doing it. Rango manages to be: a legit a western as The Man With No Name trilogy, and at the same time family film that is fun and fit for kids and adults alike. This is a lot to tackle in a single film somehow Rango manages to juggle it all.

The first 6 minutes of RANGO

Enjoy. I sure did.



Rango - Zes Minuten Uit De Film! - 2 maart in de zalen
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Behind the Scenes of: Rango

"Rango" is an upcoming movie by Gore Verbinski, who rose to fame directing the "Pirates of the Caribbean" trilogy. Now it seems, he has moved into animation, directing "Rango", which is due to theaters this March. Verbinski has not left his familiar territory completely though. Johnny Depp and Bill Nighy, both large parts of the 'Pirates' franchise have come along with him to this project as well. But, Verbinski is treading new ground as well, and that is in how the actors are being recorded for the film.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Trailer Surfaces

Drink up me hearties.... yo ho!

The Tourist

Johnny Depp looks too adorable to handle in this.

On Stranger Tides Comic-Con Teaser

Ugh.

Rango Trailer Arrives

Directed by Gore Verbinski, starring Johnny Depp, about a Chameleon with an identity crisis.

And it looks.... AWESOME

Regarding Alice

Just like when Coraline was released, I am here to counter Ezra's unwarranted generosity towards Alice in Wonderland.

Let's start with the title, because it pretty much sums up what is wrong with this movie. The title, like the movie, is a complete cop out. It's Burton's lazy attempt to fool people into thinking that "he's at it again" by remaking one of the most iconic animated films of all time. This movie is not a remake of Lewis Carroll's "Alice In Wonderland", but an imagining of a sequel.

So why not just call it something else. I mean, it's not like the studios would have allowed New Moon to be called Twilight. It doesn't make any goddamn sense.

Not only is the movie not the story of "Alice in Wonderland", the characters specifically state that the world in which it takes place is not called Wonderland, but Underland. So even if it wasn't based on the sequel, it would still be incorrect to call it that, because Wonderland is not actually a place - by that logic it should be called Alice in Underland.

Let's move on.

The number one key to an enjoyable film is a likable main character. Tim Burton knows this, because he's given us so many in the past. Yet we're given an Alice who is bored with her life, and for the majority of the film, doesn't care about what's going on because she is convinced it is a dream. If she doesn't care, are we supposed to care? In fact, the only time we see her smile in the entire movie is when someone tells her to smile.

There are two enjoyable characters. The most enjoyable is a dog named Bayard, voiced by Timothy Spall. The only reason I like him is because he acts like a dog, and I like dogs. I was frustrated though, to see that he spends most of his time taking orders from Alice he doesn't agree with. That's too bad. The other person I liked was Helena Bonham Carter's character, The Red Queen. You know Tim Burton did something wrong when the antagonist, the person you are not supposed to like is more likable than the protagonist.

The third act of this movie exhibits the most blatant and irritating Deus Ex Machina I've seen in a long time. The sheer laziness of this only reflects how much this movie truly failed.

I don't want to nitpick the movie to death (that is a lie), so I'll throw out one more thing that has been bothering me since Burton's disaster Charlie and the Chocolate Factory; essentially, the prostitution of Johnny Depp. Tim Burton has turned one of the most talented and likable actors in Hollywood into a vehicle for his weirdness. The Mad Hatter is not funny. Like Depp's Willy Wonka, he is creepy and strange. He is given years worth of backstory, yet it is all rushed and squished into a tiny flashback that doesn't last more than a minute and a half. It's an insult to the character of the Mad Hatter himself, an insult to Depp, and worst of all, and insult to Carroll.

What I wouldn't give to see Tim Burton do something original again. His constant "daring" new remakes just seem to falter. Sure, Sweeny Todd was good, but you'd really have to be an idiot to mess that one up. I long to see something like Edward Scissorhands or Big Fish again. I know he's got the imagination for it. He's holding himself back by not doing what he does best.

The only reason I give this movie a 2 instead of a 1 is for the visuals. They are, I cannot deny, spectacular. However, we live in an age where almost every movie's visuals are spectacular. It is simply not enough anymore. The Transformers franchise has taught us this. You need a coherent story and well developed and likable characters.

Come on Tim, I know you know this.

Review: THE IMAGINARIUM OF DR. PARNASSUS

So. Where do I begin?

The film is about a man, Dr. Parnassus, who used to be a monk, but after making some deals with the devil, he is reduced to a street performer who rides around London in a weird cart, attempting to convert corrupted souls into righteous ones by using a mirror and a world of imagination.