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Sunday, March 28, 2010

Review: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON


(Before I begin raving about this movie, I want to note that it was literally impossible to find a poster that doesn't have "3D" on it. Add this to the fact that DreamWorks has decreed that no theaters may show the movie in 2D if they don't allow it in 3D, and you see how the 3D movement is similar to propaganda of the worst kind. Ehem.)

I don't know if DreamWorks is back on track with their animation or it's just Chris Sanders that is the master of his craft, but How To Train Your Dragon is absolutely fantastic.
How to Train Your Dragon (Single Disc Edition)

Marmaduke Trailer Surfaces

I almost want to see this just because of HOW BAD IT LOOKS.






I mean if anything it'll be funnier than the comic strip.... but that's really not saying much.

Friday, March 26, 2010

What the Shrek just happened?






...Just Stop Already...

Review: AN EDUCATION


This is one lovely film about a sixteen-year-old girl who knows she is not getting everything life has to offer from her calm suburban household. The girl is Jenny (Carey Mulligan); she is smart, pretty, and nice: the type of girl we would all like to date in high school. Unfortunately for Jenny she lives in the time before The Beatles; a time in which a girl can only hope for three possible futures: become a secretary, become a housewife, or become a teacher at a school that teaches girls to become one of the previous. Jenny does not see herself as any of the three and finds them quite boring (ad with good reason).

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Predators

YES, YES, YES.

Review: SHUTTER ISLAND


I can’t recall the last time one movie made every person in the theater jump at the same time; I mean every single person. Most horror movies make a few girls scream but most just turn their heads to the side and try not to look. This is not the case in Shutter Island; the film is so compelling that you are forced to watch and when the moment to jump arrives there is no way around it: you jump.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Review: PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTNING THEIF


Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief plays as if the Harry Potter films had mated with The Mummy Trilogy and conceived a retarded child. As you might expect, the baby is not great by any means. But it is rather fun.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Regarding Alice


Just like when Coraline was released, I am here to counter Ezra's unwarranted generosity towards Alice in Wonderland.

Let's start with the title, because it pretty much sums up what is wrong with this movie. The title, like the movie, is a complete cop out. It's Burton's lazy attempt to fool people into thinking that "he's at it again" by remaking one of the most iconic animated films of all time. This movie is not a remake of Lewis Carroll's "Alice In Wonderland", but an imagining of a sequel.

So why not just call it something else. I mean, it's not like the studios would have allowed New Moon to be called Twilight. It doesn't make any goddamn sense.

Not only is the movie not the story of "Alice in Wonderland", the characters specifically state that the world in which it takes place is not called Wonderland, but Underland. So even if it wasn't based on the sequel, it would still be incorrect to call it that, because Wonderland is not actually a place - by that logic it should be called Alice in Underland.

Let's move on.

The number one key to an enjoyable film is a likable main character. Tim Burton knows this, because he's given us so many in the past. Yet we're given an Alice who is bored with her life, and for the majority of the film, doesn't care about what's going on because she is convinced it is a dream. If she doesn't care, are we supposed to care? In fact, the only time we see her smile in the entire movie is when someone tells her to smile.

There are two enjoyable characters. The most enjoyable is a dog named Bayard, voiced by Timothy Spall. The only reason I like him is because he acts like a dog, and I like dogs. I was frustrated though, to see that he spends most of his time taking orders from Alice he doesn't agree with. That's too bad. The other person I liked was Helena Bonham Carter's character, The Red Queen. You know Tim Burton did something wrong when the antagonist, the person you are not supposed to like is more likable than the protagonist.

The third act of this movie exhibits the most blatant and irritating Deus Ex Machina I've seen in a long time. The sheer laziness of this only reflects how much this movie truly failed.

I don't want to nitpick the movie to death (that is a lie), so I'll throw out one more thing that has been bothering me since Burton's disaster Charlie and the Chocolate Factory; essentially, the prostitution of Johnny Depp. Tim Burton has turned one of the most talented and likable actors in Hollywood into a vehicle for his weirdness. The Mad Hatter is not funny. Like Depp's Willy Wonka, he is creepy and strange. He is given years worth of backstory, yet it is all rushed and squished into a tiny flashback that doesn't last more than a minute and a half. It's an insult to the character of the Mad Hatter himself, an insult to Depp, and worst of all, and insult to Carroll.

What I wouldn't give to see Tim Burton do something original again. His constant "daring" new remakes just seem to falter. Sure, Sweeny Todd was good, but you'd really have to be an idiot to mess that one up. I long to see something like Edward Scissorhands or Big Fish again. I know he's got the imagination for it. He's holding himself back by not doing what he does best.

The only reason I give this movie a 2 instead of a 1 is for the visuals. They are, I cannot deny, spectacular. However, we live in an age where almost every movie's visuals are spectacular. It is simply not enough anymore. The Transformers franchise has taught us this. You need a coherent story and well developed and likable characters.

Come on Tim, I know you know this.

2 stars

Monday, March 8, 2010

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Review: HOT TUB TIME MACHINE


So this movie is clearly another case of "Snakes on a Plane" aka a film that people are only excited to see because of the absurdness of its title, and its inclusion of some super cool actors. That's a problem. Because that doesn't make for a very good movie.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Review: ALICE IN WONDERLAND


It's been 12 years since little Alice tumbled down the rabbit hole and lived the story many of us know and love, yet ever since that day she has been having terrible nightmares of the preceding events in Wonderland. Now, 19 years old and at her own "surprise" engagement party, she spots the white rabbit again, and in a moment of overwhelming pre-marriage stress, decides to run after him. She ends up tumbling down the rabbit hole again, but this time, things in Wonderland are very different.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Legend of the Guardians

Whoa.

I don't even know what to think about this.



Also, DIRECTED BY ZACK SNYDER?

Monday, March 1, 2010

Review: The Seceret of Kells



The Secret of Kells really is a well kept secret, especially since it seems nobody has seen it, even though it's nominated for an Oscar this season. Now that you know about it, go check it out while you can.

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