You must understand how painful it is to publish this review; in doing so, I am confessing that I have actually spent money and time in watching this piece of feces. Why would I even go and watch such a lowly film, you ask? Well… to be honest I am not sure maybe some nostalgic sentiment won me over… maybe I had nothing better else to do. This however it is not an excuse. Staring blankly at a wall for an hour and a half is much better use of anyone’s time than going to see Dragonball Evolution.
So I have not convinced you yet that you should not go watch Dragonball Evolution let me put it this way:
A) The script sucks; it makes no sense. The show was known for overwhelmingly long periods of pure dialogue with very little action; sometimes this went on for full episodes. In the film the largest sentence any character manages to burp out is no longer that four syllables.
B) The acting sucks. Remember Speed Racer, where there was no acting needed because the actors were mere cartoons used to embody the characters? Yeah well it’s 10 times worse.
C) The special effect suck. Enough said; this could have been an eye-candy movie of effects galore. I’ve seen nicer looking middle-school student films.
D) The chorography sucks. Though the trailer looked awful its only redeemable quality was that it looked more like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon than like Speed Racer. Trailers can be deceiving, in fact that is their job. And in Dragonball it is impossible to know what is going on at any time.
E) Executives thought that they needed to appeal to American audiences. This is always a bad idea. Too much time is spent explaining Goku’s spiky hair and Bulma’s blue hair. I don’t understand why we can accept stuff like dragons and flying saucers but need time understanding spiky hair. Also it is apparently doing great in Asia, so why even bother appealing to audiences back west?
F) That is the grade this half-assed film deserves. I would give it a negative five if we had such a rating but we don’t.