"Penis? I haven't heard that word for a long time. I usually just call it dinner."
Yep, this is probably the worst movie I have ever seen, ever. If possible, this is worse than all of the movies that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (Date Movie, Epic Movie, Everything-that-happened-in-pop-culture-in-the-last-five-years Movie) have ever made put together. The most amazing thing about it is that this Straight-To-DVD piece of garbage was not, in fact, made by the aforementioned filmmakers. This film was directed by Adam Jay Epstein and Andrew Jacobson. I haven't seen anything else by them, and now I never want to. The film was written by, and I suppose I should take a sharp inward breath before I recite the mammoth list of people that piled their vacuous ideas into this script, Adam Jay Epstein, Andrew Jacobson, Will Forte, John Solomon, Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone, Erica Rivinoja, Phil Lord, and Chris Miller.
TOO MANY COOKS IN THE KITCHEN.
The picture I chose sums this movie up perfectly. Yes, our pudgy friend has the girl he's interested in over to his house, and she is farting on him. Repeatedly. Man, that's funny. First, I just need to go back to preschool, and I'll be all set to laugh. Don't be confused; the above actor is not the main character. In fact, there is no main character. The film is a collection of sketches, like The Ten, or Robot Chicken, or a enormous bowl of dog feces.
How the credits can say "Starring Michael Cera" is something only slightly less puzzling than why the film is called Extreme Movie. Cera appears from 48 minutes into the film until 53 minutes in. His section is the best part, which is to say I hated it. It's not funny, though Cera does a fine job with what he has. My guess is that he read his section of the movie and agreed to do it based on that. For someone who seems to pick movies that are successes, I can't imagine he knew what the rest of this movie was, and ended up just as disgusted as me.
There seems to be an attempt at a central character, and he is played by Ryan Pinkston. Every time he was on screen, I was just sad. Not because he was bothering me, but because he's clearly a very talented and likable actor, and he's stuck in this steaming pile of filth. He's very natural, so I hope to see him in another film soon.
There were a few cameos here and there that made me smile (the best of which, John Farley), but mostly because I was thinking about their past roles that I enjoyed. I feel very bad for Frankie Muniz and Michael Cera, who are credited with starring in the film, and each see 5-6 minutes of screen time.
I really don't know what to say. Don't see this. Ever. What is is with these "Movie" films? When did this idea arise that a spoof had to be very in-your-face, and full of obscenity? What happened to the subtle humor of the spoof, or even the outrageous creativeness of a spoof? Even Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist is clever. Sure it's silly, but it makes you smile, because you know exactly what it is.
Stop calling these things, "Movie". We know they are a movie. Then again, the type of audience this film would attract probably wouldn't be able to read a complicated word like that.
Extreme Movie hits stores tomorrow. Leave it there.